CHLOEUNSURE

I recently traveled back to NYC for the first time since moving abroad. (Where I live now is irrelevant as this is not another essay about the nuances of being an American expat a.k.a. immigrant. Or is it?) I must admit I was quite nervous going back to NYC because I was worried that I would either hate it and never want to move back, or love it and be sad I don’t live there anymore. In the end, the feelings were mixed (which is also irrelevant because I am still processing said feelings). But I do have some key takeaways about what makes NYC one of the best cities in the world. Spoiler alert: these are mostly food related.

Bagels. It is true that nothing beats a NYC bagel. Supposedly, it is New York’s tap water that is key to making the bagels taste so good. But there are quite a few other reasons for NYC’s bagel superiority: the toppings. It seems like every bagel shop has endless deli combinations to adorn your chosen hand rolled bagel. Yes, there are the classic BEC and lox with schmear, but there is also sausage, turkey sausage, turkey cold cuts, canadian bacon, chorizo, chicken cutlets, pastrami, steak, white fish, egg whites, etc. Mix and match any of these with your favorite specialty cream cheese and/or vegetables… The combinations are endless.

Iced Coffee. Nowhere does an iced coffee like a New York City deli. Yes, the coffee is shitty. But, water it down with a ton of ice and a splash of milk in the biggest plastic cup available, and voilà: the best iced coffee. It is also important to note that the plastic cup and corresponding plastic straw are vital to the iced coffee experience. Is it the most environmentally conscious thing to do? No. But paper cups and straws cannot handle the amount of ice required to make a good iced coffee. So, I will choose the plastic cup/straw and not buy plastic fast fashion. We do what we can.

Pizza. Like the bagels, it is the tap water that perfects the New York slice. But that is not why NYC pizza is better, for me at least. What makes a NYC pizza objectively better is the size. One slice of pizza is bigger than an entire Neapolitan pizza. I honestly feel like I am getting ripped off when I order a pizza at an Italian restaurant anywhere else in the world. When I want pizza, I want to pig out on pizza. I want to be so bloated that I have to unbutton my pants. I want to wake up to left over pizza so I can eat it for breakfast. And NYC pizza fulfills these requirements. Other pizza does not. (Well, maybe Chicago-style pizza does, but I don’t like thick crust.)

Delusion. There is no other place in the world that can match the per capita delusion of NYC. (Perhaps LA is a good contender, but I have been avoiding LA my entire life. So I cannot compare.) It is clear to me now after having quite a bit of physical and mental distance that the average New Yorker is delusional about living in NYC. New Yorkers (and those drudging their way to eventually call themselves “New Yorkers”) genuinely think that living in NYC makes them superior to all other beings. Like they have accomplished something because they are willing to tolerate nonstop stimuli and the daily inconveniences of New York life. How do you sleep with constant noise outside your window? I’ll sleep when I’m dead. The subway is 25 minutes delayed… How will you get to work? I’ll take a $50 Uber. How do you deal with everyone being in a bad mood all of the time? That’s just how New Yorkers are. $200 for dinner??? That’s normal.

People living in NYC wear their daily survival like a badge of honor when in reality it’s just Stockholm Syndrome (which should be renamed to New York City Syndrome). I must confess that towards the end of my trip I was seriously getting sucked back into the delusion… Daydreaming about making six figures again so that I could spend more money on subpar dinners with rude waiters and the $50 Uber ride home. But then I took a $90 Uber to JFK, ate shitty airport pizza, and sat on the floor of the overcrowded, outdated terminal. And I realized… I never felt happier to leave NYC, “the best city in the world”.